The coronavirus is taking its toll on all of us. Many of us are isolated from those we love and care about because of health concerns. Those of us who are polyamorous may feel even more isolated, since we are probably limited to what partners we can interact with. Us solo poly folks and those who are just dating may not have access to anyone for intimacy or sex. Self-care is important and making sure that not only our physical, but our mental and emotional health are taken care of can be daunting. Add to that, the desire to make sure our partner(s) are taken care of and we may become overwhelmed. What do we do? How can we have healthy sex and intimacy in a time of social distancing?
Now I realize that much of what I’m going to talk about requires funds and we don’t all have access to do what it takes to do all of it. However, if you’re reading this, you do have internet access and while physical sex and intimacy may be unattainable, social media has made it possible for us to interact in sexy and intimate ways. Self-distancing doesn’t mean zero contact, it just means zero physical contact. Get creative! Find ways to connect with those you desire by other means than in person.
Most of us are familiar with the five love languages, words of affirmation, time, gifts, acts of service and physical touch. I suggest we start with these. Identify what your love language is (it could be a combination of several. For me it’s time and touch) and what are your partner(s) love languages. Then find ways to fulfill those needs without physical contact (yes, touch is the hard one). For those of use who are isolated, letting our partners know what we need is imperative. What follows are a few ideas on how to get through all this. Share the ones that resonate with you with those who love and care about you. If you aren’t sure what resonates with them, ask. Request that they participate with you in creating a long-distance intimate and sexual connection.
Words of Affirmation: This is pretty easy. Taking the time to send texts and messages telling your loved ones how important they are to you is a given. You can also go old school and send them a letter or card detailing your desire and love for them. Use programs like Marco Polo to send videos of you speaking to each other. If they enjoy dirty and or sexy talk, make a recording talking to them that they can play during masturbation.
Time: This means quality time. Find things you can do via social media and other platforms. Playing games, watching movies, watching porn and spending time together, even if it’s online can be enriching and fulfilling. Have meals together, via Skype or Zoom. Set the time and dates and stick to them.
Gifts: While it may seem difficult to give gifts while being distance, remember, Amazon (and others) still deliver. Send cards, small gifts and things you know they’ll love to them on a regular basis. They don’t have to be expensive, just things that resonate with them.
Service: This is a little harder, since much of service is about being physically present. Many of the previously mentioned ideas can constitute service. Also, you can do something like order dinner and have it delivered to them. If you’re not in total lock down you can bringing them dinner personally. And if you are in total lockdown you can make gift certificates of the things you’ll do for them when this crisis is over.
Touch: This is the hardest of all. And where you can be the most creative. Mutual masturbation, with verbal descriptions of where and how you are touching them. There are some sex toys that can be operated remotely. Buy each of you one and take turns controlling the toys. Send virtual hugs and strokes on a daily basis. This is one time where it may be appropriate to send explicit photos (with permission of course).
And, don’t forget to take care of yourself. Self-pleasure is more than jacking off. It’s taking time for a long bath. It’s being intimate with yourself, by watching a sexy movie, reading a book that turns you on or even meditating on sex and sensuality.
These are just a few ideas to keep the sex and intimacy alive while dealing with the pandemic. Sex and intimacy in the time of the coronavirus is possible, if you’re willing to step outside of your preconceived ideas of what constitutes sex and intimacy.