A Sex Positive Adventure

I have resisted creating a blog for years.  I keep saying that I don’t like to write, I’m a better speaker than writer, yadda, yadda, yadda,

Well, it’s time I start writing.  I’ve begun the book process and will share my adventure with those of you who want to follow along.  Although, I’m guessing that writing about writing a book can be a bit boring so instead I’ll share the bits and pieces I do write with you.

The first book that I want to complete is a book on transitioning relationships, tentatively titled “Happy Endings”.  We live in a world that almost requires us to end or as I like to say transition relationships.  Whether it’s with someone we love or a working relationship, everything seems so much more fleeting and impermanent.  Gone are the days of 50 year marriages or working at a job until retirement.  Oh, I know, there are those exceptions, but our world today is quick and fast paced and as I said before impermanent.

That said, transitioning a relationship does not have to be unpleasant and/or fraught with angst.  The book is going to about romantic relationships, as that’s the ones I’m the most practiced in.  I have been married four times (I love weddings and being the center of attention) and I am polyamorous (I have multiple ethical non-monogamous relationships) so I have lots and lots of experience in transitioning relationships.  I’ve made a ton of mistakes and I believe I can offer some guidelines in how to do this without the pain and suffering that we seem to go through during these transitions (or at least reduce the pain and suffering,)

I believe that our world sets us up to fail when it comes to relationship and transitions.  First of all, no matter how much we’d like to say it’s not so, the majority of us buy into the “til death do us part” fairy-tale, along with my favorite fairy-tale, “looking for The One”.   Even those of us who are polyamorous and/or more practiced in creative relationships can fall prey to these two fairy-tales.  Well I hate to break it to you but “til death do us party” and “looking for The One” are often times mutually exclusive.   If you enter into a relationship with the idea that it is forever, then you discover that this person is not “the one” for whatever reasons, you’re in a bind. What do you do?

The first steps is to remove the two fairy-tales from your belief system.  How about looking for a relationship that satisfies you in the now? Live in the present, not the future (or the past for that matter).  The next step is to create a relationship that if and when it is time to end it, you do so in a way that doesn’t erase all of the great experiences and good parts of the relationship.

The first part of my book will be about that.  How to create a relationship that will survive the transition of a divorce or ending.  I’ll share my “Principles We Try To Relate By” created by my former husband and me.  (notice I use the word “former” not ex when talking about him.  Terminology is important and I’ll cover that, too).  The second part of the book will be how to do the physical part of the transition.  Tips on how to just be in the moment and stay present and make the transitioning as painless as possible.  The last part of the book will be some stories of others who have successfully transitioned their relationships and stayed close to their former partners.

So join me on my adventure.  As I write the book, I’ll be sharing parts of it with you — for your edification and for your feedback.

Thanks for reading!

Allena